ha! after so many dramas that i went through in months, freaking long months, i am now writing a blog without me whining for being single and so unfabulous!! not that i think single-blessedness sucks, but it is me who sucks when im single.
enough!!! i am taken!! woohoo!! and i hope all the drama ends there. though right now, i think im being all too worried about him.
1. we're poor. thanks to clau from info, i found out that i may have the easiest job with high pay and everything, but still i am poor. i cannot buy the things that i want without thinking where the fart i am going to make bunot that money. hahaha! i dont have a house of my own, i cant support myself to school with a "normal" job. i cant buy that damn ipod. i bought half blood prince half heartedly... which leads to... us being poor. his mom has sorta turned her back on him, and i dont actually ask for my mom and dad's support so we're on our own. every teeny bit of peso we earn we spend for rent, food, yosi, everything!
2. his online friends. i dont know if anyone will agree to this, but who you meet online may have different motives of keeping in touch with you, i know, not all the time. im not insecure, but im just wary. sometimes i feel paranoid whenever someone texts him, or someone from his friendster-rehash friends are really out there just to make friends with him. he is so lovable. i cant argue. he speaks his mind, with great sense, and it's impossible not to fall in love with him, or like him at the very least. he's too friendly, that's the problem. i dont wanna keep him away from people, i dont plan to suffocate him or something, but some may mistake his friendliness for something else, and pursue him. you get what i mean? lugi ako, i always say.. he sees me everyday, sees my faults all the time, while his online friends have their best foot forward. call it karma, since i was his confidante when he had probs with the guy before me. and he says he has this tendency to fall in love with someone else, that's why im taking care not to enrage him. coz i simply dont wanna lose him. selfish bitch...
3. he doesnt have a stable job to support himself. you can count me out. now that he's on his own, he needs a job to survive everyday. hay.
4. he easily gets depressed. some snide or uncalled for remarks may let him down. and i dont want him to lose the drive he has right now just because some people arent careful with what they say.
i lov him. he's the best thing i ever had. check out my previous posts. all bitching about assholes. hahahaha!
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right now, i feel tired of working. i never thought working for a damned year can be tiring. it has perks, but the real question is am i satisfied? i dont have savings din. so right now i really need to budget since i live with him na. i am too young for this, i know, but what can i do? we have to live for ourselves.
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you know what im doing right now? (besides doing my blog dammit) im reading the blogs of paulo, yes, vinluan!! he was the only one who made me ride the IKOT from start to finish at some times, just so i can catch a glimpse of him sa FA. he was my greatest crush. the perfect guy. geez. im being foolish again. dito nagsimula yung i-always-ask-for-what-i-cant-have stupidity ko. i even made a booklet of my poems for him. that's how i "loved" him. from the first day we had our Philo 1 class, i knew he was someone who's trouble. coz i didnt stop thinking about him til he ignored me on friendster. chinito. smart ass UP fine arts student. i remember my stalking days... ang dami!! i would search for his name on the net, follow his classes, post poems i wrote on walls around AS. darn. palma hall saw how stupid i was for paulo vinluan.
though i admit i miss seeing him.
the last time i saw him was at the 2004 lantern parade. gray shirt, with a cam in his hands. smiling. laughing with friends. i swear that at one point, for a few seconds, he stared at me. trying to recognize if i was the wooly fashionably obscure freshman in his acuna class. and i olved every passing second of it...
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my circle of friends is getting bigger. hehehe. i just hope some of them are real. i miss them na. sila nicole, sheila, ping, breakfast club, team 27, team 40, lahat ng friends ng friends ko, boyfriend ko, family ko, UP friends ko high school friends ko. tangina.
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im sad. coz my family is decreasing in numbers by the minute. not that everyone's dead! but we are geographically moving away from each other. i know mainit ulo ko parati, pero i miss yung mga kagaguhan ng mga cousins ko.
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im so tired. im always awake. eating. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
