nothing much. just my thoughts and any triviality i encounter. prepare to be bored by my usual whines about single-"blessedness" and age problems. and oh, did i mention relationships?????

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

random babbles: anger, danger

i like coke commercials. i sometimes say in class that compared to pepsi, coke's commercials are more well-thought of. the conceptualization of these TVCs is a process i wanna be a part of. try to remember your favorite coke moment... (really, please do) mine would be their "holidays are coming" series. christmas lights me up, makes me feel good. so one time last week, i was watching TV, and a coke commercial was played. this is the one where people suddenly shake like crazy. i was flabbergasted. i hated it.

i hated the guy with over-ironed hair. i hated his friend beside him. i hated tricycles. i hated flirty girls. i hated youtube. i hated aliens. the TVC was an absolute horror. a disappointment. it was no way near the clever "hottah, hottah." i felt like i opened a present that i'd recycle next christmas. for days i avoided that commercial. i was wondering if coke's oasis of creativity ran dry.

and then i realized, why am i so angry?

lately, i've been having crazy thoughts of being bitchy and telling off anybody who got on my nerves. i know, that's so not me. so i got a bit retrospective. what do i hate the most?

-i hate people who think so highly of themselves. imagine being seated beside a person who can't stop praising himself. "oh, i look so good. don't you think i look so good?" i just want to stand up and say, "yes, honey, i think you look soooo good. and i'm glad because i can think. can you?" i'd rather get surprise compliments than force the idea on everyone. doesn't praising oneself too much make the self-comments invalid? i think now i know who created the mirror of erised...

-i hate people who take me for granted. like if i do one thing for you, do not expect me to do everything else for you, as you wish. fine, i was there when you needed help in choosing the right shoes. do you need me to look for the matching socks too? some people get too much comfortable in ordering people around. there's always a limit. a borderline. so don't get all depressed and angry if i decide to do something you don't approve. or something you didn't ask me to do. unless i'm on your payroll list. :)

-i hate people who don't know a thing about BPOs yet are sooooo critical of the industry. working in a call center is WORK. real, hard WORK. it's not a summer job i took because i wanted to buy the latest gadget in the market. a lot of families now are being supported by BPO employees. imagine my wrath when i realized that for one payday, my deductions can already support a family for two weeks! where else can you do that? (and yeah, that was only for one time. so don't message me and ask for libre.)

-i hate boys full of drama. oh cmon. read one of my notes here in fb. that guy alone can give me enough writing material to last me a lifetime. i don't believe that gay people are the most complicated species in the world. or maybe i'm just getting old.

hmmm... maybe that's it. i'm getting older. little things irritate me right away. i'm getting older, and fatter. i guess it's time that i practice what i preach. in our anger management class, we advise our participants that changing their lifestyle can change their life. a little less of something can give more positive things back. less time in consuming food, better metabolism. less cigarettes, more sleep. less cranky, more healthy. i have a good relationship with food. it satisfies me to the core. but i just have to reduce my intake. no crash diet. that's worse. no caffeine too. soda has caffeine right?

i guess that's why i hate coke, too. darn it.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

random babbles: the sex talk

last year was a lull. i only had sex with one guy and i slept with him twice. okay, okay. this seems shallow. but i thought that i was losing my groove. i used to have sex at least once a month. that was way back in 2006. what the hell was happening to me?

and then i tried to dig deep. no pardon for the pun.

i realized that my current job has something to do with it. you see, i'm a trainer. i don't only train new hires but i also train agents and non agents. when i saw how my colleagues were always at their best behavior, i knew i had to follow suit. i couldn't risk seeing someone i had rough sex with in my class. the horror that must have been. gossip is something that i don't feel comfortable with. especially when it's about me. (i heard people raised eyebrows when i applied as a trainer, but that's a different story.)

i even turned down some guys i have been communicating with thinking that someday they'll be my trainees. before, after talking to guys online, i usually meet them in a week or so, and then have them bang me. like crazy. now, i've began assuring myself that the person i'm flirting with is or will not be in nco. most of the guys i text end up thinking i'm boring and a bad lay. wtf? coz after all the teasing, i usually cancel at the last minute. teehee.

one more thing is location. i promised myself that i would only bring home a guy once we are committed to each other. and i've held my end of the bargain. i guess it's coincidental that a lot of guys don't have a place for effing. great.

hmm... what a sad story right? how can i fulfill my hierarchy of needs? my f*ck buddies are not around. i'm gaining more weight (read: unattractive). the happiest place in the world (my room) isn't anymore. my credibility is at stake. if there's any left.

i can honestly say that i need sex to feel good. i need to feel wanted. or to be lusted after. not that i'm a slut. (prudes stay out of this.) we all need something to make ourselves feel better. something to justify the smiles on our faces. relationships don't do it for me. gratifying sex does. people may judge me after this. i'm just saying what they can't.

so eff off. read someone else's notes. i miss five words i haven't heard for a while. "wham bam, thank you ma'am." i should hear that soon. referring to me.

Monday, January 10, 2011

new year

i am seriously going back to writing. i promise. i just don't have anything that interesting to post yet. :) happy new year!