was it good for you?

a few weeks ago, after numbing my fingers trying to press the hapless remote control and looking for a channel in our not so worthy cable tv, i was dumbstruck to see familiar faces, teary eyed yet smiling, but still looking fantabulous and sexy: the girls of sex and the city.

it's been months since the last episode was shown on hbo, and i can still remember everything, every line that olive and i would talk about come wednesday morning or thursday afternoon at school. from carrie's choice between paris and new york, samantha's hot boy toy with forgettable name, miranda's softening and brooklyn (!) and charlotte marrying the man outside her dreams.

it was the farewell special, where guys, girls and gays from several eps took the time to bid farewell to one of the most engaging series of the late 90's, and the magna carta of womynhood.

but of course sex and the city wouldnt be there if all the girls weren't single and somehow miserable. they have had all the wacky men we could ever think of: the sharpeis, the small ones, the really big ones, the rabbit fuckers, clueless guys, fuck buddies, etc. and i watched in awe these womyn, who just go thru it all with a laugh, more often tha not with a heartbreak.

they were my icons. though some people attest that they see themselves in a single cast member, i saw myself in all of them.

i was a writer. i was the dreamy one. i loved blow jobs. i wanted to become a lawyer.

when i was still single, my world composed of lines from several episodes that i found to be true.. i even took pains in checking out all the quotes from each episode and copy pasting them then emailing my friends.

they were my counselors, my mentors. and i was so sad that they finished already, but then the story doesnt really have anywhere to go to. they had what they all deserved. and all those six years were good enough for me

==================

fast forward to a few months

==================

was it good for you?

i am not single now. that's why my blogs were inactive for sometime. i kept thinking of changing my subtitles, but then i would lose my character if i did that.

im in a relationship right now.

and i dont know if i will stay this way for the years to come.

i feel good, but there are times that i dont know if he understands why i act a certain way. there are times when i just shut up so the convo would end, and there would be no more arguments.

i love him, and im trying to give him everything, but there are times when it seems he doesnt know me that well. i dont blame him, coz i dont know him taht well too. sometimes i think i moved in too early, but i wouldnt trade living with him for the world.

i always try to understand, but im not sure if that's what he's trying to do for me as well.

e.g. i have a great fear for hold uppers. one night we were walking thru taft, to withdraw some money which i will lend him for a batch project he volunteered to do, and he told me to go ahead and get the money while he stay at the netcaf a few blocks away from the atm spot. taft is not the safest plce in the world, so i asked him to accompany me there. he declined, saying it will be quicker if we separated, but i contested. the ending, i did not talk for a few minutes, or else we might fight again.

e.g. one time we were arguing in front of my close friend nicole, i walked away, thinking he would follow, bt he didnt. so i looked like i walked out. i didnt wanna argue in front of nicole. it was a public place. so i told him about that in a letter. the next fight, his best friend was there, and i reminded him with what happened in front of nicole but he insisted on telling me of my wrongdoings so i raised my voice and told him to stop it. that was a big fight.

case number three, the thing i hate the most, is his constant bickering about me being too young. in the first place, he knew how old i was, so he couldve said no the first time. next, he said he thought i was cool, but cant i have complaints??

im tired of hearing i am too young. like im so immature. and i dont have a point most of the time.

he doesnt know my pet peeves and he acts righteous when i get irked by stuff he does.

i know right? we are not a perfect couple, but i try to live with it everyday, hoping the next time things happen, im not the only one who should remember what not to do (like walking out, texting when about to leave an agreed meeting place at the exact time the waiting party is about to leave).

he asked me if im still happy. im not fully. we fight about boys, money, petty things..

i dont know what to do anymore to make us understand each other more and more.

there are three things im waiting for him to do:

visit my house and meet my family. sweldo is within a few days and if he doesnt ever think of dropping by my house id be completely disappointed.

post MY pic in his friendster-rehash-for-gay-people sites so that hook up wannabes will see how much he loves me(not that it will prove much, but people will see his partner, ), not just in words. (he could also delete some accounts, or change his racy profile that prompt people to mack him)

make me a testimonial. eversince we became together, he hasnt written anything about me in his testimonials. i dont know why. but it's taking him time.

i hope he doesnt wait for the time when i dont bug him anymore about stuff, or i dont sleep in h house, or i kiss him less than usual, or i simply seem to fade away, coz those are signs of me losing interest and passion.

in the end, if all doesnt go too well, and im done, i may just ask him:

was it good for you?