nothing much. just my thoughts and any triviality i encounter. prepare to be bored by my usual whines about single-"blessedness" and age problems. and oh, did i mention relationships?????

Saturday, December 23, 2006

ramblings of a no-class undergrad unemployed fat boy

last december 3, i quit my job. it was the first job that i had, and i ended up loving it so much. InfoNXX was my first battleground into the workforce arena. i used to say i was just a part of statistics, but i didnt know before how much fun working for this company was like.

i started out thinking i wouldnt last in the industry. call centers sprang like mushrooms and i was convinced it was just a passing fad. i planned to leave it after a year and continue studying with whatever savings i could have. sadly, and naturally, i changed my mind and stayed.

being an undergrad still haunts me. but as much as i want to go back, i dont wanna burden my parents into paying my tuition fees again. and UP just increased their per-unit to 1000 bucks. hello subsidized education! :) im thinking of finishing my levels at instituto cervantes, but funds are sooo insufficient.

my stint at Philippine Daily Inquirer hangs by a thread. i dont contribute much, or worse, at all. sometimes i just read the emails i get and then put in my two cents worth. writing used to be a passion. now i can only compose poems i dont get to let everyone see. im like doing a burt hanley from CAMP.

the concept of being unemployed scares me. i dont know when id be financially stumped. my carefree spending is put to a stop. im worried sick i might have to ask my parents for money again. money for food. money for clothes. money for expenses. money for sh*t.

im again included in statistics. this time in the not-so-nice category. the freaking unemployed. by january i should be out of this. all this time i believed im independent. and that's exactly what i want to do.

i have a lot to think about. and dream about too. i still yearn to go to spain and converse with locals in fluent espanol. im still excited by a week long vacation in some beach. just basking under the hot sun. scorch me if it might. i still want to have my own place. fully furnished with a rooftop where i could hold parties and entertain my friends. God forbid, i hope it's not in the South. i still want to meet Gael Garcia Bernal in the flesh and melt in his gaze.

some people are very lucky being brought up by rich parents.not only intelligence can make someone successful. resources make up 50% of what we learn. if a family literally doesnt have anything, then a child doesnt have the chance to work up his mind and develop his thinking because there are no tools help him with learning. a blockmate once said, "how can she be like that? she's just a rich girl from a church-dominated school? she's so lucky. that's why she got to UP." i was appalled by that statement, but in retrospect, i was given all the educational nourishment my parents could give. one can be smart but without a book, all spirals down to ignorance and normalcy. when these kids do graduate, mere mention of a family name guarantees a job. and promotion! let's not talk about people who OWN businesses. it's like food waiting on the table, served on a silver platter.

i must go and sleep. my mind is tired thinking about a lot of things. tomorrow morning, i will wake up to a roomful of trash. my room indicates the state that my mind is in. and if you read this, tell me what you think. i love it when people ask how im doing. :)